FINE, you insufferable bums

by Darryl Ayo

Recently, I had a thing to say about noncomics and stuff. I wrote a blurb on my Tumblr about comics that are not. I was thinking about a thing or two, mostly this “alt comics” tumblr, which is quite beautiful, but not quite what it says on the tin. I was immediately condemned by this blog. I also decided to take a swing or two at Homestuck‘s classification as a “comic” a few days ago at my friends‘ house; vigorously debated by aforementioned friends

I argued that Andrew Hussie’s Homestuck isn’t a “comic,” but a kind of video game. A “visual novel,” is what they call it. After all, comics do not “move.” Comics are designed to imply movement (among other things) and that isn’t the case when the panels themselves are animated. But then I sat down at my computer and opened up my waiting tab to see

While you’re at it, you dump the contents of the BLENDER, oops I mean WHIRLING BLADE PITCHER, into the disposal. But you suffer an unfortunate GARBAGE DISPOSAL HEAD JAM. 

You notice something in the reflection. Something above you.

And you know what? Whatever. Seriously, whatever you want to do with it. I mean there’s comics and there’s COMICS. Everybody knows what comics are, right? Something like this?

Ha ha, Charlie Brown, you chump.

Oh yeah! So yes, I initially see a large difference between the static sequential image and the hilarious animated gif. But then Homestuck creator Andrew Hussie starts pulling these maneuvers:

Which I can only see as a plain old regular comic strip. Of course, the line felt more blurred when I came across things of this nature:

You wonder if you should reconsider your grievance with the offenders. Perhaps you should let it slide? They seem friendly enough, and it’s been so long since you’ve had company. It would also be quite a pity to blow up that tall attractive female. 

But then again…

Then you realize that the sick bastard has been toying with you all along. Toying with COMICS! Some kind of un-holy, porno-graphic, sick, demented, hybrid bastard of an artform.

Jade: Play guitar to summon giant lily pads.

Fine, whatever! Homestuck is a comic, are you happy now. Jesus Christ.

B-BU-BU-BUT WAIT, IT GETS WORSE!!

Look at this fucking thing I found: a semianimated Legend of Zelda comic from a dude named Zac Gorman:

And there’s a few more at his website:

So you know what? Do whatever the fuck you want, I don’t care. Comics, schmomics. Now if you’ll exCUSE me, I’m trying to get caught up on Homestuck.